It has been seven months since I packed up my classroom, turned in my keys, and drove away from my beloved teaching job.
Even now, I can feel the fresh sting of tears that streamed down my cheeks as I pulled out of the parking lot for the last time. I was six months pregnant with our second child and anxious to start my journey as a stay-at-home mom.
However, leaving the comfort of a regular paycheck and coworkers that I loved, to spend my days with two children under two was intimidating and a bit frightening.
Fast forward to the present, and I have to say that staying home is still somewhat intimidating and scary. I love being home and am grateful beyond words for this opportunity.
Let’s be honest though. The weight of motherhood (cultivating and shaping the future of my own children) can be a heavy load. The pressure of “enjoying every moment” because it will be gone all too quickly is exhausting.
And yet, in the middle of the chaos and self doubt, I can look into these faces… and it all melts away.
These two don’t just have my heart. They are my heart.
Daily they push me to be stronger and more courageous. The picture above was taken just last week when I finally braved going to buy our weekly groceries by myself with the babies in tow in freezing cold weather.
This moment in time represents a braver version of myself than I had previously known.
They teach me to find joy and amazement in things I wouldn’t have before. Seeing life through my son as he learns about the world around him is priceless. Watching the smile on my daughter’s face the moment she sees me or my husband is pure delight.
A few weeks ago, my family went to an amusement park and stayed to watch the Christmas parade. Something that I truly didn’t care one way or another to watch, suddenly became a memory that I hope to never forget. To be truthful, I can’t tell you what the parade looked like. My eyes did not leave my son’s face for more than a few seconds. He was enthralled by the lighted floats, music, and characters that passed us.
His smile was one of curiosity and his eyes were huge as he took it all in. He waved at every. single. float. It was precious and filled this momma’s heart to the brim.
Most of all, they have taught me to be flexible and let go of control.
When kids enter the picture, things just don’t go as planned 90 percent of the time. Most days, my hair is in a ponytail and we are still in our pajamas far too late into the day.
Sometimes, I celebrate just getting to take a shower at all.
I consider it a good day if I get to do either my make-up or my hair. It’s a great day if I get to do both.
If I somehow manage to stay on top of the house and not let the dishes or laundry get too piled up, I consider it a win.
Because when it comes down to it… having my babies curled up in my lap and spending these precious moments with them is far greater than having make-up on or my hair done.
So this is our life…our journey.
Welcome to Ponytails and Pajamas.