our life | the hard days

Today was one of those days.  I’m sure many of you know the type of day I’m talking about.

The day when you put your kids to bed, close the door, take a deep breath and finally let the tears fall down your cheeks.  The ones that you have been holding back all day because Lordy knows your kids have cried enough for all of you in the last twelve hours.

We’ve been out of town the majority of the past two weeks, and will be out of town again this week… and I’m just plain ole worn out.  The house is a mess as I’m trying to organize new toys, throw out old toys, put up Christmas decorations, do laundry, dishes, unpack and repack, keep the kids alive, and somehow keep my sanity.

I’m afraid I’m losing the battle.

My daughter may or may not have gotten her drama from her momma.  Let’s just not let her Daddy answer that one.

Some days I live for the moments when the babes are confined to their beds for some much needed R&R.  Ok, who am I kidding? Most days I live for it.  I feel like I’ve run some sort of marathon and the finish line is nap time or bedtime.  The closer the time comes to putting them to bed, the harder parenting seems to get.  It’s like they know they are running on borrowed time, so they need to be as needy/whiney/emotional/naughty as they can be.

And then this magical thing happens.

They fall asleep, and I miss them.

Somehow, even in the moments of despair and exhaustion, the desire to be with them creeps back in.

I long to kiss their cheeks, hear the silly things they say, feel them hug my neck.  I look forward to a new day with new memories and slowly feel the sadness of a long day with too many tears disappear.

…and I praise God, as I know that it must only come from Him,  that I long for them again instead of running for the hills.

So for now, as I make room on my bed to lay down, I dream of seeing these smiles tomorrow and thank God that He made me for this, for them.  Even on the hard days.

P.S.  This is my home right now.  There is chaos everywhere I turn and I literally feel like I might explode if there isn’t order soon.

P.P.S.  Why do I always think that if I cover my bed in things that must be put away before I can go to sleep, that I will actually put them away?  Instead, I move them off of the bed and onto the floor when it is time for sleep, only to begin the process all over again tomorrow.  Oh, when will I learn?

Goodnight my friends.

May tomorrow be filled with much laughter instead of tears.